Befriend Your Fear… and ACT!
Written by Cecilia Mayta, RP (Qualifying)
“I am not good enough.” “I do not deserve it.” “It will never work.”
Sound familiar? It does to me! Feelings of self-doubt and poor self-esteem are the source of many of our struggles in life. They are major showstoppers when it comes to expressing our true selves and pursuing our wildest dreams.
Imagine putting all these unwanted thoughts inside a locked box. You want to control them. You want to keep them away. But they are so stubborn and sneaky that no lock does the trick. They always find a way to break free. You get focused on finding the right lock and that is all you can think of. But, even though you make this your goal and put all your effort on it, it does not work.
You decide the only way to get rid of these uncomfortable thoughts is to sit on top of the box. And when you do, you smile because you know there is no way they will be able to escape. However, you soon realize you cannot move because if you do, they will get away. You are stuck and missing out on all the things that are happening around you.
You finally decide to let go and stop wasting your energy trying to control these unpleasant thoughts. They jump out of the box and start revolving all around you. At first, you find them really annoying. But as you acknowledge them and make space for them, they stop blocking your way and you are able to move forward in the direction you want to go.
It is through a similar metaphor that I came across Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) years ago. I was hooked. The concept was so simply put and easy to grasp that I immediately realized the impact my repetitive unwanted thoughts full of self-doubt were having in my life. I knew I had a choice.
ACT is a cutting-edge form of cognitive-behavioural therapy that teaches us to add flexibility and become aware of choices in our thinking pattern. It helps us identify helpful and unhelpful behaviours and empowers us to take action to create and reach a meaningful life based on our values.
Ready to build up your confidence and start walking towards the life you want? Here are a few tips:
Be mindful of what you can control. Get clearer about what is in your control and what not. Can I control my thoughts, feelings and emotions? No. Can I control how I respond to them? Absolutely! Focusing on what we cannot change and repeatedly failing at it leaves us drained, frustrated and disempowered. As we mindfully become aware, engaged and focus on the areas we can potentially control, we can actually do something useful to improve our own lives and feel more empowered.
Take away the power of the thought. Identify a repetitive thought that feeds your self-doubt and change the way you word it. Instead of “I am not good enough”, try “I am noticing that I am having a thought that I am not good enough.” Say it out loud. Uncomfortable? You bet! But the more you say it, the more you develop the ability to separate from your thoughts and let them come and go without getting caught up in them or allowing them to dictate what you do. Do you want to make this exercise even more fun? Sing your thought aloud in your favourite tune! Let’s see how strong that thought stands after a few singalongs.
Stick to your values and get into action. Identify your values and let them act as a compass to lead you in the direction you want to go even when things get tough. Let them be your inspiration and motivation to take action toward the life you want to live. We tend to believe that confidence comes first, and action comes later. We might end up waiting forever, right? The reality is that taking action boosts our confidence and enhances our performance. Even the smallest step counts. Take the leap with trust and watch your confidence grow!
ACT is refreshing, practical and effective. It helps us develop a compassionate and accepting relationship with ourselves. It encourages us to create space for emotional discomfort so we can make room for self-growth and create change in our lives based on our deepest values. I can certainly say ACT changed the way I view my inner experience and what I focus my energy on. Not an easy task for sure, but practice has allowed me to become more mindful, embrace my bright and dark sides with compassion, and take steps toward a more purposeful and meaningful life.